Comments for Alibis Sport Fishing Site http://www.alibisportfishing.com Mon, 20 Feb 2012 18:07:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on EASY 10 POINTS: Is my writing any good? by oρнєℓια http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2410 oρнєℓια Mon, 20 Feb 2012 18:07:32 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2410 It's pretty good. I give it an easy 7 out of 10 and I'm rather a harsh judge on criticism :) The opening is definitely eye catching and the plot witty and provocative to the reader's mind. A few minor points here and there however: I found the first sentence a bit detracting [The west side park of Lac du Bourget was overgrown with wild flowers and prairie grass, but this gardening was intentional] The first clause has nice taste but the second one is abrupt and just leaves the reader with equivocations. When you get into flow-y imagery, I find it more useful to incorporate the form throughout the entire length of the sentence or even paragraph at hand. Even if you add a few simple words: [but this gardening was intentionally produced] it leaves the reader with more comfort and sensation. The second sentence as well [The higher social women, who found the exotic outlay intriguing]. "Higher social women" could be changed to "Women adept to higher society" and I think you should eliminate "exotic" since you are already using "intriguing." And to avoid wordiness, you could end the clause there. So you would have something like [The women adept to higher society found the outlay intriguing. They often met on the....]. Your dialogue is fine as it is. I mentioned the major structure issues above, the flow is nice, and the description is ideal. It definitely reminds me of Pride and Prejudice. Good luck in your story! It’s pretty good. I give it an easy 7 out of 10 and I’m rather a harsh judge on criticism :) The opening is definitely eye catching and the plot witty and provocative to the reader’s mind. A few minor points here and there however: I found the first sentence a bit detracting [The west side park of Lac du Bourget was overgrown with wild flowers and prairie grass, but this gardening was intentional] The first clause has nice taste but the second one is abrupt and just leaves the reader with equivocations. When you get into flow-y imagery, I find it more useful to incorporate the form throughout the entire length of the sentence or even paragraph at hand. Even if you add a few simple words: [but this gardening was intentionally produced] it leaves the reader with more comfort and sensation. The second sentence as well [The higher social women, who found the exotic outlay intriguing]. “Higher social women” could be changed to “Women adept to higher society” and I think you should eliminate “exotic” since you are already using “intriguing.” And to avoid wordiness, you could end the clause there. So you would have something like [The women adept to higher society found the outlay intriguing. They often met on the....]. Your dialogue is fine as it is. I mentioned the major structure issues above, the flow is nice, and the description is ideal. It definitely reminds me of Pride and Prejudice.

Good luck in your story!

]]> Comment on EASY 10 POINTS: Is my writing any good? by Ninja girl http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2409 Ninja girl Mon, 20 Feb 2012 17:21:10 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2409 It's very good but i still don't know what's going to happen, like what the plot is. i guess i'd need to read more though. It’s very good but i still don’t know what’s going to happen, like what the plot is. i guess i’d need to read more though.

]]> Comment on EASY 10 POINTS: Is my writing any good? by old lady http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2408 old lady Mon, 20 Feb 2012 17:00:11 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2408 Interesting excerpt. Just as technical comment - the sentence beginning Jane and her eldest cousin etc. should be a new paragraph. I'm a little confused about where the grove of cherry blossoms came from, as you have described a garden of wild flowers and prairie grass. But perhaps that was explained earlier. Interesting excerpt.
Just as technical comment – the sentence beginning Jane and her eldest cousin etc. should be a new paragraph.
I’m a little confused about where the grove of cherry blossoms came from, as you have described a garden of wild flowers and prairie grass. But perhaps that was explained earlier.

]]> Comment on EASY 10 POINTS: Is my writing any good? by BeWitching16 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2407 BeWitching16 Mon, 20 Feb 2012 16:26:31 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2407 I love your descriptions!!! :) They are great! The way you paint the scene is beautiful :) You're dialogue could be a bit improved though, but not a lot, Its really good for the most part. It may just be me but the characters don't sound as alive, I think would be the right word here, as they should. You might want to put more emotion or something into them? Im not really sure whats nagging at me there but regardless, you're a really good writer!! :) Great job and I hope you keep it up! I love your descriptions!!! :) They are great! The way you paint the scene is beautiful :)
You’re dialogue could be a bit improved though, but not a lot, Its really good for the most part.
It may just be me but the characters don’t sound as alive, I think would be the right word here, as they should. You might want to put more emotion or something into them?
Im not really sure whats nagging at me there but regardless, you’re a really good writer!! :)
Great job and I hope you keep it up!

]]> Comment on EASY 10 POINTS: Is my writing any good? by TJB http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2406 TJB Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:34:25 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/easy-10-points-is-my-writing-any-good/#comment-2406 I came here for 10 points, I will leave here with 0 points. That's just life. I came here for 10 points, I will leave here with 0 points. That’s just life.

]]> Comment on Which’of’these’waring’labels are’the/dumbest? by jack of some trades http://www.alibisportfishing.com/whichofthesewaringlabels-arethedumbest/#comment-2405 jack of some trades Wed, 15 Feb 2012 16:19:46 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/whichofthesewaringlabels-arethedumbest/#comment-2405 omg, that's the funniest stuff I've read all day. and only reason why its on there to begin with is because someone must of been stupid enough to try it and then rich enough to bring it to court when it resulted in disaster. omg, that’s the funniest stuff I’ve read all day. and only reason why its on there to begin with is because someone must of been stupid enough to try it and then rich enough to bring it to court when it resulted in disaster.

]]> Comment on Which’of’these’waring’labels are’the/dumbest? by Madge http://www.alibisportfishing.com/whichofthesewaringlabels-arethedumbest/#comment-2404 Madge Wed, 15 Feb 2012 15:25:32 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/whichofthesewaringlabels-arethedumbest/#comment-2404 the best one i ever saw was for a car commercial, the car was "crowd surfing" and they had a warning to " never drive on people" the best one i ever saw was for a car commercial, the car was “crowd surfing” and they had a warning to ” never drive on people”

]]> Comment on Langara Fishing Lodge by Stones93 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/langara-fishing-lodge/#comment-2403 Stones93 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:15:37 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/langara-fishing-lodge/#comment-2403 this video UNDERSTATES how amazing this place is! Not just the fishing, the people, scenery, food and service are out of this world. CYA in June again this year! Brad this video UNDERSTATES how amazing this place is! Not just the fishing, the people, scenery, food and service
are out of this world.
CYA in June again this year!

Brad

]]> Comment on Gerard Beale the backup Fullback? by Craig http://www.alibisportfishing.com/gerard-beale-the-backup-fullback/#comment-2402 Craig Sun, 05 Feb 2012 15:03:41 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/gerard-beale-the-backup-fullback/#comment-2402 I had no idea Beale was a Kiwi, but anyway, if Josh Hoffman wasn't injured he would be the backup fullback for NZ. Beale is playing well but Hoffman has the FB position sewn up, he plays very well and is always consistent, he's no Slater though. I had no idea Beale was a Kiwi, but anyway, if Josh Hoffman wasn’t injured he would be the backup fullback for NZ. Beale is playing well but Hoffman has the FB position sewn up, he plays very well and is always consistent, he’s no Slater though.

]]> Comment on What are your favorite movie quotes and what movie is it from? Mine are? by sishakara http://www.alibisportfishing.com/what-are-your-favorite-movie-quotes-and-what-movie-is-it-from-mine-are/#comment-2401 sishakara Wed, 01 Feb 2012 03:33:34 +0000 http://www.alibisportfishing.com/what-are-your-favorite-movie-quotes-and-what-movie-is-it-from-mine-are/#comment-2401 gorotica: "i should be on a beach right now enjoying the good life. instead, i'm chasing my dead friend around the city. friend. shh. i don't even like that f****r anymore" gorotica: “i should be on a beach right now enjoying the good life. instead, i’m chasing my dead friend around the city. friend. shh. i don’t even like that f****r anymore”

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